Drongo alert: This article may contain traces of satire and sarcasm. Quotes that bear any resemblance to real life should be taken as evidence of how silly things have now become. THE World Health Organisation (WHO) has issued advice that yellow face masks are 99...
“You’ll get by with a little help from your friends…”
STATE Premiers have rushed to support New South Wales in a show of national unity as authorities battle to control a coronavirus outbreak in the lead-up to Christmas. Victoria Premier Daniel Andrews was the first to pledge help, yesterday announcing he would share...
Twitter & Facebook CEOs congratulate WeChat for censoring Aussie PM [SATIRE]
THE CEOs of Twitter & Facebook have expressed admiration and support for WeChat removing a message from Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison to the Chinese public. WeChat is China's giant social media corporation, comparable to Twitter and Facebook in the West...
SATIRE: Kamala Harris offers ‘thoughts & prayers’ as Joe Biden has a fall
PRESUMPTIVE 'president-elect' Joe Biden has had a fall, according to doctors at the White Falls Seniors Retirement Village in Newark, Delaware. Senator Kamala Harris, flanked by three lawyers as she left the police station where she was asked for an alibi, was asked...
SATIRE: Timmy commissions race discrimination at their ABC
FORMER Race Discrimination Commissioner Tim Snootypantsman has slammed the ABC for using too many white-skinned leftists to present its news and current affairs programs.“There will be no diversity on the ABC until journalists of every shade are presenting news from a...
Woke Cricket Australia taking on racism
AUSTRALIAN cricketers proudly announced yesterday that they will begin every game this summer with a barefoot circle ceremony that will not improve even one Aboriginal’s life. A Cricket Australia wokesperson said the empty gesture would serve to signal the team’s...
Adam Bandt’s bold new plan
It was revealed this week that Greens leader Adam Bandt had asked South Korea to impose tariffs on Australian goods as punishment for failure to set appropriate climate targets. If Bandt insists on using foreign governments to help implement his domestic policy...
Daniel Andrews appoints Phil Gould as his new communications manager
VICTORIAN Premier Daniel Andrews has appointed rugby league commentator Phil Gould as his new communications manager. The embattled Premier moved quickly to sign up the Channel Nine football analyst after his incredible performance calling last night's NRL Grand...
Move over Dictator Dan, the Nanny State is Queensland [SATIRE]
The politician vying for Queensland's top job has promised to make people even less free if they vote for her at the state's upcoming election. Queensland LNP leader Deb Frecklington said her party would impose a 6pm curfew for north Queenslanders and ensure everyone...
Daniel Andrews shocked his government wasted millions [SATIRE]
VICTORIA Premier Daniel Andrews has announced an Inquiry into how the Hotel Quarantine Inquiry ran $2,700,000 over budget. It was revealed last week that the cost of the inquiry into Victoria’s bungled hotel quarantine program blew out from $3,000,000 to $5,700,000....
Adam Bandt’s zero reality policy
GREENS leader Adam Bandt has outlined his vision to make Australia completely reliant on renewable energy by 2030 in a plan entitled “Zero Emissions, Zero Votes”. The bold plan to return Australia to a medieval period before Australia was even discovered was unveiled...
Daniel Andrews’ dizzying dance of incoherent babble to avoid saying anything of meaning
VICTORIAN Premier Daniel Andrews has insisted that Nobody made the decision to hire private security guards used in the state’s quarantine hotels. In an appearance on Friday afternoon at the inquiry into the Government’s bungled quarantine system, Mr Andrews insisted...
NEWSPOLL: 62% of Victorians believe pigs might fly
A MAJORITY of Victorians think pigs can fly, according to the latest Newspoll published today. Newspoll found 62 per cent of voters believed Premier Daniel Andrews was doing a good job and that pigs could fly, regardless of zero evidence for either proposition. A...
Daniel Andrews planning life after politics with offer to host reality TV
COMEDIAN Daniel Andrews is set to host a new reality TV show, “I’m a Victorian, Get Me Out of Here”. The series, to air on the Ten Network, will feature a group of Victorians living together within Melbourne’s ring of steel, with few civil liberties. Each member will...
The top 5 crimes this year according to Democrats
One WHITE young people who stole flat screen televisions from an electrical store during recent Black Lives Matter protests will be charged with theft for having dreadlocks. Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot said cultural appropriation was a serious crime for which the...
Experimental virus-logo escapes Australian Government lab
THE GOVERNMENT is moving to eradicate a new Australia logo that bears an uncanny resemblance to the Coronavirus just two months after it escaped from a state-sponsored design laboratory. The logo was released to the world in July after reports that a team of...
SCANDAL: Woketoria’s hotel quarantine security not diverse enough
HEALTH officials working in Woketoria’s hotel quarantine program were not trained in gender neutral pronouns, an inquiry into the operation has heard. “Everything I know about Covid-19 came from a cisgendered white male who only taught us about infection control,” Max...