When I was a child, I spent time in a women’s refuge for those who had suffered domestic violence. One of my step fathers had a nasty punch on him and quite the temper and there were many times as a child that I had to pull him off my mother as he pummelled her face.
My biological dad is alive but without going into too much detail, there is a hole in my own heart that is the shape of a father.
My teenage years were spent seeking out a man that would fill that hole and give me the attention I so desperately craved.
I had some wretched experiences at the hands of men. My heart was pummelled into a thousand pieces. I saw the worst side of male behaviour as I chased after other damaged and broken people.
At 20, I tried to end my own life. Thankfully, I wasn’t successful.
Ironically, it was a man that scooped me up and put my broken heart together when I turned to my Saviour that night.
If anyone could be bitter and angry and buy into the notion of “toxic masculinity” it could be me. I too could have been one of those twisted and bitter feminists, talking into my phone camera about how bad all men are and how “we don’t need them!” in our lives. The world would have given me a platform to spout my hate because it fits into the Marxist narrative that seeks to destroy masculinity, femininity and even the innocence of childhood. In order to destroy the family, you must destroy good men because Marxists know that they are indeed the true anchor of whether a family succeeds or not. The truth is that good Men are actually powerful for all the right reasons and this is why they are so demonised in our current culture war!
Good men are the healing balm of this world. Toxic masculinity is a term made to disempower the very thing that we need in our culture – strength, loyalty and protectiveness! Masculinity is the God given and God created counterpart to femininity. Masculinity is what sees men go to war, willing to sacrifice their own lives for freedom for family – for others! It sees them go out day after day and year after year, working hard, often thanklessly, to put food on the table.
Masculinity in itself is exactly what is needed, yet hurt women have confused their view of what is instead damaged individuals and damaging behaviour by redefining the term masculinity. The truth is that behaviour can be very toxic but we all know in our heart of hearts that toxic behaviour can belong to both men and women.
Masculinity is not toxic. It is instead very much needed. It is not lost on me that there are parts of out culture that are toxic such as pornography and the notion that sex can and should be without commitment or consequence and that women are like men or indeed – are men – if they so feel that way. These toxic behaviours are so often accepted by the pro abortion, pro-porn feminists. They haven’t connected the dots yet.
You can’t have it both ways though.
Either those issues are addressed, gender confusion of roles and the cheap sexualisation of our society – or you accept the toxic parts of the culture, recognising that it is actually these messages that have broken many men and not the other way around!
Feminists so often want to be men. They believe that they can fill that role too. But I don’t believe we are designed that way. I believe men and women are different and unique and that is planned and intended and is not just a physical difference but is innate. Our brains are wired differently and we do have unique roles in life. Mothers and fathers are different and fulfil complementary roles and you only have to have one of each to know this eternal truth.
So at 20 I was miraculously healed and I also got myself well through putting in the work to heal my inner child. I did therapy and turned to the gospel of Jesus Christ to find values and views to frame my own identity and to help make sense of the world and my place in it.
Society and culture had let me down and had left me in pieces searching for my identity and looking for relationship and connection in hedonism and obviously it could not be found there!
Once I had healthy boundaries and healthier behaviour myself, I attracted healthier people including healthier men who genuinely respect women and let me tell you, those kind of men aren’t actually into one nights stands and porn!
In the last 24 years I have met more good men than I could ever imagine! Many of you are on this page.
At 23 I married my best friend and the man of my dreams who is all the good things that God intended men to be. I have two precious sons who are an absolute delight and will do great things to counteract the bad, in this world. They are not toxic and both my husband and I encourage them to wrestle and be boisterous while also allowing them to express emotion in healthy ways. We teach them to honour women and to honour themselves as men in the making.
I understand the bitter feminists. I actually genuinely do. A man has let them down somewhere along the way – generally their father – and now they spit venom about the evils of toxic masculinity and they have hardened themselves in a protective shell lying to themselves that they “don’t need a man to be happy and fulfilled because they can do all the things a man can!”
Well that’s true if the things you’ve seen of men have been mostly negative. Of course you reject that. But your negative experience is not the entire picture and I’m genuinely sorry for you if this is all you know and see through your warped and blurry lens. I’m also sorry that the world gives you a megaphone. It is far more damaging to allow this message to be amplified than they realise.
I’ll tell you what I now know about men. Men who make good choices, are protectors and providers! They are loyal and kind and they honour their sacred role of being fathers and husbands. They show up! They commit and they love with a fierce loyalty that is anything but toxic.
Men now live in a society where they are demonised at almost every turn. They are mocked through ridiculous advertising and stereotyped to be “dumb stupid and lazy!”
The term “toxic masculinity” denotes that all men are somehow Neanderthals. I’m sorry if this is your experience. Some of the best people I know are men, and they deserve to be celebrated!
Husbands and fathers are needed. Our society has thrown the baby out with the bath water without addressing the actual issues.
Happy International Men’s day!
Some men may be rapists, murderers and abusers, this is true!
The majority though are protectors, providers and indeed made in the image of God.
If we wanted to truly fix society we would put marriage and commitment back on the table and we would put fathers back in the home!
And International Men’s day would be as well known as International Women’s Day!
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Marijke Rancie is an ordinary, "stay-at-home" mum who shrugs off the restrictive expectations of cultural feminism. She encourages other full time mums to not feel inadequate in their occupation as wife & mother, and champions traditional family values. Also known as “Political Posting Mumma“, Marijke's personal experience and concerned research led her to raising the alarm about the hidden, inappropriate sexual content of the so-called “Safe Schools” resources.